CONFIDENCE
One of the most common problems children have is lack of confidence.
Here’s how to fix it.
“Whether you think you can or whether you think you can’t, you’re right.” – Henry Ford
We all know, or have, a child lacking in confidence. We have each experienced lack of confidence in ourselves. We know the role of confidence in being able to do anything. And we understand there’s a strong connection between confidence and self-esteem. Here’s how I deal with lack of confidence in children and young people…
When I first meet a new student, I spend a lot of time learning everything I can about them. This always includes discussion of what’s holding them back. If it’s just one or two particular difficulties, we can attack them straight away. But for many children the confidence problem is chronic and cumulative, making it very, very difficult to ever climb out of their hole. For these children, young and older, I use the same three-step approach.
The first step is the one I have just mentioned – learning about the child and the problem so that we both know (and know that we both know) what we are dealing with. Now for the Big Two: INSPIRATION and PROOF. After that it’s just a matter of applying their new-found confidence to everything they do.
INSPIRATION
- I tell inspiring stories.
I talk about and look into true stories where confidence played a decisive part in the happy outcome. Or stories that teach an important lesson. Some are these are: a particular episode of McHale’s Navy / the note Thomas Edison brought home from school / David and Goliath / Famous Failures video / the story of Don McLean, the famous singer-songwriter / Wayne Bennett, the most successful Rugby League coach / The Little Engine That Could / and several others, depending on the age of the child.
Click here for detailed information, including links to videos. (Coming soon)
b. I give them case studies.
These are case studies of our students who overcame difficulties because they had confidence and applied their confidence to a job or goal – for details see our website. Choose examples that are most relevant to your child.
These students often had difficulties greater than those of the current student. That really hits home. You might have your own examples. If not, use the ones we have highlighted on our website. What gives them a bit more power when I tell them is that the kids I am talking about had sat in the same chair the current student is in. Some of them lived nearby (as close as next door in one case, across the road in another and just down the road in another). Some had attended the same school as that student. The point is they are real kids just like themselves, not unknowns from far away. You can make that point yourself.
PROVE IT!
Once we know what can be achieved with confidence, and see the results others have achieved, I say, “I could give you pep talks all day, but you won’t be truly convinced until I prove it to you.”
Attack a problem
We decide on a problem that is stopping them from moving forward and ruining their confidence. It might be algebra, index laws, using quotation marks, the Periodic Table – anything. Usually, however, it involves Mathematics. Maths is a great subject to start with because it is so procedural and able to be practised, even without full understanding of everything. In fact, mastery comes only after practice. And when you are right, you are right.
So we look at the child’s ability in that area, then go right back to where he is au fait with it. A quick review of the main knowledge, concepts and principles is followed by a gentle, incremental increase in the level of difficulty or introduction of some new aspect. Usually, this is mastered quite easily because it is such a small step. Already the child is experiencing something he thought was beyond him, that being the ability to learn from instruction instead of being lost in it.
It’s up to you and the child to decide how far to advance in this first session. The main thing is they have made significant progress and achieved something they thought was beyond them.
PROOF
Then a little test. Set some exercises of your own or use some from a text. This is the child’s solid proof to themselves. That child can now do something he or she couldn’t do an hour ago. Parents notice the child leaves with a spring in their step, head up, looking happy. Some even say things like, “She was a new child.”
There’s nothing more to do for now other than to go over what we have covered and ask the child to state what he or she has learnt about others and about themselves. Ask them to be specific about what they could not do twenty minutes ago but now can.
Actually, there is one more thing to do that will really turbo-charge their new-found confidence – I set them the task of telling their teacher, preferably in class, something about the matter that used to cause them grief, or answer a question asked in class. Then offer to help others. Be the expert. Be strongest where once you were weakest.
Try it and see the result!
Next blog we will look at how to keep it going – The Belief Triangle.
Meanwhile, remind your child that their job now is to go and help others!
If you would like this information set out in precis form (like a lesson plan you can follow) with detailed stories and links to videos, CLICK HERE.
